I have been meaning to do this for SUCH a long time. My own forum! To bleat and rant and bitch and whine! Heaven! It's like the Five-Year lockable diary I got for my ninth birthday. Except that now I've got more to say. Then it was all what I ate for lunch and how I hate/adore Miss Whoever, and what a bitch Sarah Watkins (made-up name) is, and how I really, really like Simon Naylor (real name). But like that diary, although this is not lockable, I know that I'll be writing my comments for one person. Me.
Nevertheless I am going to try and temper myself a little, limiting myself to reasonable and optimistic fare. When the blogger asked me for a description I immediately and without expecting it came up with the one which features here. I hadn't thought I'd need a description, but it seems now that I do, and I hope to be able to limit myself to... well... the extraordinary. Not that that means I'm going to be perky and up all the time. Apart from the fact that I'm not naturally a Pollyanna (ask poor long-suffering Martin), there is enough extraordinary stupidity and cruelty and sorrow out there to prompt many pages of reflection.
Let's start with the extraordinary facts about Me, by which I mean the facts which seem to trigger reactions of astonishment in other people. As I know that I'm only talking to you, Frances, and no one else will darken my blog, I can be quite frank with you. Feel free to comment, sweetie!
1. I get up at 6am nearly every morning of my life. By choice. Between 6 and 7.30 is My Time. I like mornings. I particularly like it when it's cold and dark and no one in their right mind is up. I started this habit when I was pregnant with Jake, who is now eight. I suffered terribly with insomnia and once had a full three course supper prepared when Martin came down at five thirty, sucked out of his pit by the heady, if inappropriate, aromas of garlic bread, boeuf a la bourguignonne and chocolate truffles. He suggested I find something else to do with my mornings. I started writing, enrolled on a creative writing course where my then tutor, the wonderful Dave Peake, told us that if we wanted to write seriously, we must write every day. By the time Jake was born, five months later, I had the first draft of my novel done. I don't necessarily write properly every morning. Sometimes, rather unworthily, I do SuDoku or read crap on the Internet. But I love My Time, my cup of red bush tea warming my hand, the sun slowly rising outside, the dogs breathing heavily and wondering when someone will take them out for a walk. If someone gets up during My Time I feel quite put out. I'll probably write this during My Time from now on. Does this count as writing? I wonder if I'll manage to post every day. I think I probably will. Did I mention I'm a bit obsessive?
2. I have two unbelievably fantastic children. (Yes, yes, I know. No different from any other children. What's so extraordinary about that? But that's not my point.) Imogen is nine, and her out-of-school activities include Brownies, gym, violin lessons, tag rugby, swimming and more gym. Jake's eight and he does tag rugby, drama, guitar lessons, swimming. He's about to re-start judo. (Last year he was a bit young for it and a bit... how shall we put this... indisciplined.) I take them to all their activities. I cook them a proper meal in the evening. I have two big dogs, Hungarian Vizslas, who I take for an hour's walk every day. One's neurotic and one's nuts but I love them both. I have a husband who, bless him, makes very few practical demands of me, except a good meal in the evening and the occasional life to work. I have a part-time teaching job. After nine years out of the work arena I have to do an enormous amount of preparation for my lessons. Thank God I enjoy making flashcards or devising worksheets or games or whatever else. I am also a school governor at my children's primary school and do as much as I can for them. And I write as much as I can, and try to market the product of my writing. I know this is dull, Frances, and I only mention it because you know that the fact that I take on quite a lot is one of those things that people find extraordinary. God knows why. Trying to keep more balls in the air is one of the reasons I drop more. No wonder I'm always bloody disappointed in myself.
3. I have written six screenplays, all comedies, despite the fact that in person I'm about as funny as cheese. I have also written two and a third novels, sample episodes and series formats for five sitcoms, loads of short stories and sketches. (Blimey, Frances, you must have heard or read this little resume how many times?) I have read my stories in public readings and seen my sketches/sitcom performed in public. I have not earned a bean. (Unless you count a £25 book token for winning an online flash competition.) Now when I'm having this discussion at a party, this is the point where a shadow crosses the face of the person I am speaking to, and into it are burned the words "Flogging... dead... horse." But you and I both know, Frances, that I CAN write.
3. A delightful lady wants to direct a film of one of my scripts. She's confident and she has imbued me with her confidence. But I'm not going to get too excited.
4. Whenever I have too much to drink, which is too often, I get very anxious and do a lot of ringing around to apologise. It's a matter of great amusement to my friends and huge anxiety to me. It's not as if I do anything outrageous (unless everyone's lying to me). I'm just very embarrassed about the fact of drunkenness. And yet I keep doing it. Extraordinary.
5. I believe that Philosophy should be a compulsory part of the school curriculum from Key Stage 1, as it is in so many other countires. I believe that many of the ills of society stem from people's inability, or unwillingness, to think about anything beyond their own immediate and individual needs and desires. I won't go into Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs just now, Frances, but you know where I'm coming from. You can bet it'll come up later. Sorry. Bit out of left field, that one, I realise, but it is one of those views I hold which people think are extraordinary.
That's enough to be going on with. So far, you might think, Frances, so unremarkable. Well, that's entirely up to you. That's just an introduction to who I am. According to me.
Tomorrow, I hope, I shall start my daily posts. I'd better go out and do something extraordinary with my day!
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