Sunday, July 10, 2011

Oh, no, Shane. No, Shane, no, Shane; NO!


What have you let her do to you, Shane? Weird chestnut hair, taut uber-polished skin around clear dead eyes, eyebrows belonging on a camp waiter... Do you look in the mirror and think "Man, you look young?" Or do you gaze at yourself in fear and horror, the dawning realisation of something beyond your control crystallising in your head? Is that glazed expression really masking blind panic, a 'how do I get myself out of this?' white haze?

You've got to worry about Liz Hurley, mind. I once had respect for her. She was bright, articulate, a bit of a party animal. And then she started believing her own hype. This erstwhile 'most beautiful girl in London' I read about in the early 90s has morphed into some kind of sniffy, over-cooked, age and looks-obsessed celebrity hag who has so far lost touch with what real people (or 'civilians' as she once so memorably dismissed us as being) look like when they haven't made use of the dubious gifts of assorted surgeons, needle-wielders, chemical-peelers, star hairdressers and eyebrow-shapers. You can't look a bit rough and characterful in that world. If you put someone in a shell like that I bet character and humour suffocates and dies. Does she really think she's improved him??? Really?

Well, Shane. I don't think you ever were or ever will be much of an oil painting but you did have bags of character in your face and your over-highlighted hair. I honour THAT Shane.


Oh, and one last thing, Shane...

RUN.

1 comment:

Andrew Preston said...

she loooks alright to me....

I remember you.., I only came here because I googled the phrase "corned beef legs", and suddenly saw my own comment from years ago.

A